I wrote my Father Confessor, speaking openly about my grief, which is now being realized in my separation from my life’s partner, and the incredible loneliness it breeds.
Ht stunned me with his glorious answer, and made clear that blessed peace which passes all understanding.
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The longing that is most real to us is what confronts us every day. The desire for what makes us whole, what gives us a healthy sense of our belonging, our fit or sense of p[ace in the world in the most positive sense. You and Lou fit together, and completed one another in ways healthy for you both. Her desire for you, and your desire for her both reflected God’s Own design for you. This also flows out, as you well know, from her need and longing for God, for the awareness of His Presence, for the certainty of His fatherly love and care for her. Lou was enriched by your role as an icon of Jesus to her. Her need is now fulfilled, yet in a way which is both ever-growing, with a new rich, panoramic, ever-expanding experience of the life of the God Who is her very life, in Whose image she was known eternally in the mind of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and Whom she was created to know. At the same time, her completeness is also waiting. The redemption of her body awaits. And she prays for you, who have a special place also in her heart and soul. Her body, with whom you were made one flesh, and with whom also Jesus was made one flesh, both in His Incarnation and in that great nuptial sacrament of the Eucharist. She waits for you there, and still trysts with you at that rail. Your own longing for her presence, and for interaction with Lou- the shared experience which made known love to you in a special way- is, for the time, diminished. What can man do but mourn such loss? Loneliness, the empty space which she should fill, is a wound. But this wound will be healed. Not by “time,” but by the source of all healing, for Whom your heart, too, truly longs, and by Whom you will be satisfied. Consider the daily office a trysting place also both with your God, Father, healer, creator, redeemer, Bridegroom, but also with Lou. Talk to her. Pray for her continued infinite progress in the glorious experience of God through the growth of her absolutely unique harmony with God’s attributes, and know that your prayers are pleasing to your Father and hers. Ask for her prayers for you, knowing that no sins, no sorrow, no distractions impede her prayers anymore, and she is set free to pray for you in perfection- with such prayers as are most powerful of all (James 5:16). The love in which she is now made perfect, and goes on from perfection to perfection, cannot but love you more and better.
Christ our God, Who teaches and fills us, be with you in tender power. You are remembered every day in our prayers, morning and evening at the very least, and in the Masses throughout the week as we gather at His altar.
Fr. P +